Whenever I do anything that involves sitting in close proximity to the general public, I always seem to attract the dregs of society to nearby seats! Cinemas are usually the worst places, such as when I went to see Skyfall - the woman in the row behind seemed to have bought a bag of sweets with the noisiest wrappers on them! Or, when I saw the most recent Batman film. Arrived at the last minute. With the seating almost full to capacity, we were lucky to find the last few - 3 in a row. With there only being two of us, we got sat down ready for the film to begin. Strangely, everyone around us seemed to be acceptable - no hints of noisy sweet wrappers, - and then in he came to claim the last seat, and clutching his "seat near Derek" voucher - not noisy, but reeking of garlic!!
So today, I'm off to London for a weekend with my sister and her husband. Choosing the cheaper rail option, I'm travelling from Hartford to Birmingham, from where I shall catch a connecting service to Euston. Get on at Hartford to a practically empty carriage. Excellent! A chance to do some reading with no distractions! But then the train has to call at Winsford, and there they are on the platform with their "student ticket to sit near Derek" clutched in their free overdraft facility hands. So, inevitably they get into the same carriage as me - which, remember, is practically empty. Which seats do they go for? Yes, the four next to me! So not only do I have to tolerate their inane talk about the laws of physics, but one of them is continually sniffing and blowing his nose, and it's not just your normal sniffing, either - it's the sniff that ends with the grunt, as though a pig is trying to claw its way up the back of his throat!
Fortunately the representatives of our hope for a brighter future leave the train at Crewe. Another chance to read? Not at all, for they are replaced by a couple of guys who are obviously CAMRA members on a mission to find more real ale. One of the guys, it has to be said, is no stranger to a meat pie - or two! (Mind you, I don't that's politically correct, so we'll just say that he's annorexically challenged!)
Where do my new friends sit? Yep, the exact seats the yoofs have just vacated! But wait, - a reprieve! "Let's sit over here!" the slimmer of the two remarks, adding "you'll be able to spread out more!" Sorry pal, but I think your mate was years ahead of you on that one!!
So, I'm now left with no choice - as I can't concentrate on reading I shall have to resort to the headphones playing just loud enough to drown out the chatter, and perhaps a little nap!
Ok, so time moves on, and I'm now sat downstairs in one of the many Costa bars dotted around London. Not many people around. Found myself a quiet corner to sort my plans for the afternoon. Young couple chatting quietly at the table next to me. The seats to my right are vacant - and here they are - Mr & Mrs Loudeater! Two hot drinks and a panini each. Mr Loudeater commences a very audible consumption of his continental sandwich - each mouthful interspersed with loud "mmmms" and smacking of lips as he chews his food open-mouthed, in the way a horse does! This, coupled with the loud slurps as he drinks his coffee, make my Costa experience complete!
Time to move on!
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